he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
