What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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