Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
