You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
