it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
