I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
