are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
