Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
