im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
