left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
