is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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