So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
