her vagine was all disorganized.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
