This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
