shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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