I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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