He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
