when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
only if we run a train.
done.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
