There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
