Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
where are you?
Hypothermia
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
