Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
