I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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