we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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