non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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