You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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