so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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