Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
