Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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