Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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