Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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