I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
