Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You ate ashes out of my bong
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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