she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I won't apologize to a one balled man
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
