remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
When did we convert life to cartoon?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
