When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
