I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
