Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
