After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
