a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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