respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
