My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
