sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
