i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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