Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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