Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
