you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
