Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
