And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
