so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Damn victory sex feels great
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
