I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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