I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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