remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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