Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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