at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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