I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
