new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
