i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
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i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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