Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
