I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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