if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
