This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
