im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
