I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
