The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My ATM looks so different sober.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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