OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
