Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
