one two three fourrrrnication!
dude i'm inner monologue high
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
