I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
there is glitter all over my balls
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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