Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
