dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
