so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
