Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize