so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
