Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
