I can tuck mytits in my pants
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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