I'm lost and stupid without you.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
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Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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